Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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