it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
