ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
