how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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