i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
