drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Success! We fucked roommates!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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