just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i out mim tonsoeep
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
