sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize