Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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