He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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