I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
