I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
