No subtext here. People are naked.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
