Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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