Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
