it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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