Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
