i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
