you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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