He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
