if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
