I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
