I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
