Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
