FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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