You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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