She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We had sex on a dog bed..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
