somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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