My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
