the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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