I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
