stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
