Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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