I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Sober January is a disaster.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
