two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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