After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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