I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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