Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
