its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize