There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
