people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
