If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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