Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We are all done wearing pants today
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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