If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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