ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
