remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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