peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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