dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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