Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
