I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
honey bunches of taint.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Are we still banned from the library?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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