Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
