Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
