I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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