I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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