So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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