My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
