Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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