i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You know, be my cock's hype man.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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