Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
