Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
