His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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