Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Randomize
