So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
so much tequila, so little girl.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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