just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
