Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
