Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
