I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
