I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
