This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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