Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
