I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
