Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
