i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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