im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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