I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize