i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
