im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I skipped work to stalk him.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
