she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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