I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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