i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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