Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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