yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
