I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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