I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
