My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
