i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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