I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
