He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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