can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
