Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
