I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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