you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
