I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She announced her abortion via fbk
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Randomize
