Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
