New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
