Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
