For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
